Write Life

I suspect that a lot of people "write" so that they can validate the writer lifestyle to themeselves and others. They share their progress, humblepost their first chapters, mention their method and mantras at every opportunity. As irritating as this seems it is hard to blame people for emulating others. Everything seems to be a lifestyle now: Salt Life, Foodies, Animal Rescuers, Extreme Kayaking, Christian Wives, and so on. It is almost as if a person cannot be serious about an activity unless they are able to demonstrate how they devote every waking moment to its pursuit. It is as if you are anything less than a Monk about your interests, you risk being "outclassed" by other more dedicated individuals and dismissed as a dilettante.

Well, we can't have that. Theretowithenceforth, here is a handy guide on how to embrace and embed yourself in the writing lifestyle as fast as possible. And the first step, as it is with every snap transformation, is your attire. No writer is any writer without the appropriate clothes to tell others who they are without having to say a word. You are going to want to purchase the least forgiving and thus baggiest size of scratchy, woolen clothing you can find. These should preferably been crafted in damp air and come from sheep that never experienced direct sunlight. Find yourself a pair of shoes which were highly impractical until you broke them in during a period when you wore them everyday and everywhere because you were so poor you considered eating them. Never mind that this footwear is probably causing you spine issues as you'll only be using them to go from one seat to the next. Also, throw away your contacts and possibly your glasses for a pair of bifocals with a ten year-old prescription. You can use a poorly crafted magnifying glass to make up the difference. 

The next step is accoutrements. Fortunately, writers don't need a lot of expensive items like a speed boat or manicures, or cookware. Instead, you can focus on a durable but used sachel/handbag which contains a worn copy of a second novel from some currently unpopular foreign author. Also important is a leather bound journal to write down stray thoughts you will never read again. The paper can look like it was made from shredded pillows if you like, but always have one of these handy -- hopefully with a matching eraserless pencil attached by a cheap spring. These can be picked up virtually anywhere near the registers so writers buying unimportant human things like food and medicine can devote themselves to their craft while waiting for the person ahead of them to pay for their eyelash curlers and Powerade. 

Now it is time to craft your environment. This can get slightly expensive, however, it does not require much actual skill. The key is layering. First, buy overcushioned and non-matching array of furniture -- preferably showing signs of moths and preferably from less-serious writers who couldn't take the suffering. Then, go and purchase as much of your medium-of-choice as quickly as you are able. Magazines, books, newspapers (if you can find any) are all good choices, as are unbound manuscripts, advance copies of books that were never published and sheet music for some reason. Place these items around neatly at first and then gradually try and stack others in front of or beside them on every flat or semi-flat surface -- furniture included. One note: pay less attention to titles than quantity because you can always explain that the pageturning beach read is fascinating study in such-and-such for those who blah-blah-blah. Finally, you should take a moment to put on a pot of tea. Try not to set fire to the stack of Obscure Collegiate Literature Quarterly by the stove as this would make a good story but would also be bad. Once you have your tea, drink it. Constantly. Drink as much as you and your bladder can stand. Feel free to switch to a cheaper toothpaste while you're at it because all the whitening in the world isn't going to do much good. 

Much of the rest is up to you and your sense of taste: a dusty typewriter; a dog who would be happier with more exercise; a solitary brass lamp with an incandescent bulb; maybe a faded oil painting to lean against the wall. These are merely some of the choices you can use to finish your look and lifestyle. If done properly your friends -- provided you still have some willing to come over for reasons beside an intervention -- should be quite impressed by your evident devotion to writing and the creative craft. If you have discarded your friends for more serious pen pals in faraway lands, your underexercized dog should lift their head to look at you in sleepy admiration often enough to provide you with a sense of real accomplishment. Or because they are checking to see if you passed away in your patchwork armchair. 

As you may have guessed, to me, the writing lifestyle -- and perhaps all lifestyles -- are bullshit. My estimation is what most people want when they prescribe themselves to a lifestyle is simply to be admired for being who they are. It's hitting two birds with one designer baking tin. If who you are is someone who rides a boat to work and is allergic to shoes, or someone who spends more on their stove and cookwear than they do their kids, or someone who surrounds themselves with literature and stories to the detriment of your social life and floor joists, then go right ahead. But I believe that someday you're going to have to accept that admiration from others for a lifestyle comes largely from courage it takes to be who you are. The courage to know thyself and then be thyself. 

Maybe being who you are is a total devotion to an activity. Or it may mean living in balance: where you have some books but also like to go to raves and enjoy making coffee cakes, too. None of it has much to do with actual writing, though. Writing is putting thoughts on paper or a screen. Look around you the next time you are in a crowd at the store or subway or salsa dancing class. Pick five, ten people at random. They could all enjoy writing, no matter what they look like or what they are doing. It isn't about devotion, or skill, or even intelligence. If there is a write life, it is less about living it through your fashion and more about appreciating written words and the variety of people who write them.